The other day, I was flying to Chicago from Cincinnati for a seminar at Lurie Children’s Hospital. I’ve made this flight many times. It’s barely 40 minutes long but those minutes were more interesting than usual this time! I take the earliest flight available to be ready to talk by 8:00 AM. That means getting out of my warm comfy bed at 4:30 to get to the airport on time. So, I’m usually a bit sleepy and grumpy by the time I get through security and into the gate area. As I was walking down the jetway with a bunch of other grumpy sleepy passengers. The Southwest captain was standing just outside the airplane’s cockpit door greeting us all as we boarded. The line came to a full stop, and I found myself standing right next to him. He asks, “where you headed today?” I told him I was just going to Chicago. He says “Thats just up the road a bit, why not drive?” So, I quip “I like to sleep on the way.” He responds without a millisecond’s hesitation “Me too!” Then the press of the crowd pushed me further into the airplane.
Wait. What!? I was wide awake now! What did he mean? I want to believe he was just being polite. You know. agreeing that if he were traveling as a passenger, he would sleep too. He couldn’t seriously be suggesting that the front left seat of a Boing 737 was a great place to catch some inflight z’s! Was he? He had a sly grin when he said it. Or was that a stifled yawn? He was probably just being funnier than me and thinking faster than me. I REALLY hate it when people are quicker and funnier than me! What’s that you’re thinking?” Is he seriously flying Southwest?” Yes! They’re my peeps! I love flying Southwest. Oh, I feel the rebukes already. Some of you think Southwest’s open seating policy is the equivalent of festival seating at a Neanderthal rave. “Only savages fly Southwest!” Maybe you’re right. I do miss aloof flight attendants, $15.00 snacks, the endless boarding classes, groups, and zones. I miss jockeying for position around the boarding gate when they finally call for all the rest of us commoners who are not premier gold executive ambassador medallion platinum concierge premium elite members. Which includes virtually everyone boarding!
Seriously who wants to pay more to board sooner, sit in tiny, assigned seats and watch commoners board the plane?! Me, I prefer no nonsense A to B flying. Just get in a seat and get my notebook out and get some work done. So, shortly after takeoff I’m sketching some ideas I have for a new lure when an announcement from the cockpit blares from the speakers. “This is your first officer; we’ve reached our cruising altitude of 27,000 feet. We’re turning off the fasten seat belts lights. Feel free to move about the cabin.” ‘DING’. The flight attendants jumped up, hustled down the aisles and managed to get all 178 of us a FREE snack and drink.
(That’s right. Who’s the Neanderthal now!) Then another announcement “This is your First Officer. We’re 89 miles out of Chicago. We should have you on the ground 12 minutes early.” Then another “This is your first officer. We’re going to have our flight attendants be seated. We’re anticipating some bumpy air on our approach to Midway.” A nagging question was keeping me from getting any sketches done. Why wasn’t the nappin’ capt’n making any of the announcements? This is your first officer blah blah blah. I could swear I heard snoring in the background!
It was indeed a bumpy approach, but before my anxiety got completely out of control we were touching down on the runway. My worries about our very funny, possibly narcoleptic pilot forgotten. Our landing was textbook perfect! Smooth as silk. The cabin filled with applause. We taxied for a few minutes when the plane came to a complete stop near but well short of our gate. A split-second later amidst the sounds of seat belts being unbuckled I hear “This is your Captain speaking. We’re not at the gate yet. Our onboard computers show that 14 of you have prematurely unbuckled your seat belts.” The plane erupted into a mixture of laughter, metallic clicks as seatbelts were refastened and the murmurs of passengers wondering “can they really tell that?”. He sounded very refreshed. And funny. And he was so quick with that announcement!
He is dead to me.
Got to go!
Doc
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